Gramps
by Anxious Procrastinating
Summary: When Makarov dies all Laxus can do to ease the pain is writing him a letter


**A/N:** Hi everyone! :) I've been a little depressed these past few days and this idea popped up in my mind. I hope you'll enjoy it! Let me know what you think ;)

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Dear Gramps,

It's me, Laxus. I have to point it out because many people call you that, in fact during the years as the Master of Fairy Tail, you've become a fatherly figure to all of us.

You're such a great man. A little bit pervy, with some little flaws here and there, just like everyone else, but you are an infinitely good person, a special one, you deserve all the love, respect and admiration you receive.

I'm sorry that when I was a teenager I refused to be acknowledged by the rest of the world as your grandson. I should have been proud of it, instead I was too self-absorbed, trying to erase my past as the sickly child I was. But now I understand how stupid I was and how futile my reasons were. I am so ashamed of what I became, so fixated with strength that I couldn't accept any kind of weakness, not even from the guild. I'll never say "I'm sorry" enough times to make up for that, and I'll never stop being sorry about it. It still haunts me. I'm grateful to be part of Fairy Tail again, I know you wanted to readmit me but felt that you couldn't because my sin was too big and, as the Master, you had to do what was right. We both need to thank Gildarts for doing us this favor. Just like you, he understood my reasons, you know that I hid my concern behind that disdainful mask I had seen Dad wear so many times. I didn't want the guild to be made fun of, not to be respected, because I know all too well how it feels, and it's not pleasant.

You were there when I was so insecure, so weakened by the disease, consoling me when Dad wasn't there, telling me that one day I'd be a member of Fairy Tail too, you were protecting me, because you knew that there was the risk that I wouldn't come back even from an easy mission, but you wouldn't say that, I was simply "too young".

Thank you for trying to preserve my self-esteem, thank you for being there when I had high temperatures, colds, I threw up and shit myself because my body just wouldn't function. It was so degrading, but you neve made it look like that. I liked having you around, the way you took care of me, never seeming bothered by anything I did, the stories you told me, the hope you gave me. It felt safe and comforting. You stayed with me when I reached that thin line between life and death, and I remember you not being able to hold back tears but smiling at me at the same time and holding my tiny hand so tight, trying to be reassuring. I remember you and Dad fighting. I pretended I didn't hear because I knew that you didn't want me to know, scared that I could be distraught by the things he said about me. I was. But you always defended me and I felt that it was right to think that maybe there was nothing wrong with me.

But then Dad's critics became too much and there was nothing you could do to soothe me. You were against me having the lacrima, you said I was fine as I was, but he kept saying that it wasn't enough. I was sad that such a thing was necessary for me to be 'satisfying' for my own father, but I went through it, I was determined.

That's from what all the 'strength-fixation' nightmare came from. I actually wanted Dad to be more like you. I still wonder why he is like this. I know that being a good parent has always been the most important thing to you. You see Ivan's actions as a failure of yours, you feel responsible for what he does, like you did me during that damn Fantasia festival. That obviously includes the way he acted with me. You've been trying your whole life to fix and make up for that, feeling constantly guilty, but you must know that I never blamed you. Not even when you excommunicated him. I loved him, deep down I still do. Unfortunately. Just like you. But I knew that that was the right thing for the guild, as it was when you excommunicated me too. Like father, like son, I guess.

You might be surprised, but I thank you for that too. I expected a punishment, but not that, I was pretty shocked to say the least. But it was useful, really. I reflected on your words, they still give me goosebumps if I think about them. I worked on what you told me and I became a better person.

You have always made me grow up, not Dad, not Mom. Well, Mom died in the early years of my life, so I guess she couldn't do it, even if she had wanted to...but that's not the point. You raised me, and technically it wasn't even your job. But you did, despite how much of a jerk I've been and I thank you, because all the good I had in my life, I did thanks to you.

Now you might be wondering why I'm writing you this letter. It's simple, really: I'm doing this to tell you what I've never been able to say. When I was a little kid I could show you how much I cared, but growing up I didn't do it anymore, I changed, I said many things I wish I hadn't said now. For all you know I could have let you die without a second thought that day on Tenroujima when you told us to run away while you held Acnologia back. Well, that's not true, the simple thought of you dead was eating me alive. I'm not sure if it was pride or cowardice, all I know is that now you're truly dead and it's too late and it feels so fucking bad. I can't even describe it.

It's been a week already. The funeral was...good, I guess. It rained the whole day. Probably a cliché, but with Juvia there it really wasn't like it could be any different. Maybe a few lightnings escaped my control too.

All the guilds of Fiore came to pay their respects, even the king and the princess showed up. There wasn't a single person who didn't shed a tear.

I was right there, in front of your tomb, staring helplessly as they slowly lowered your coffin into the ground. I wanted to scream and wail, maybe even stop all that because once the burial would be over the separation from you would just get even more real. Instead I tried to remain stoic, to save some dignity, but all I managed was leaning on Freed, sobbing in his chest, unable to watch any longer.

Seven long days later I'm still here, locked up in my room, bawling as a little child because you're not here guiding me anymore and I miss you, I feel lost and I'm so damn scared that you don't know what I felt and still feel for you.

I never believed in god or afterlife, so I don't know if you're ever going to know about this, but I feel that it's the only way to ease a bit whatever this haunting feeling is. I just wanted to thank you for everything you've done for me in my whole life and say sorry for all the times I hurt you. I regret every single thing.

I don't think I'll ever get completely over your death, but at least I'll be able to move on with my life. Everyone eventually does. But in my case it's more like I'll have to. Your last will was for me to be the next Master of the guild. I still can't believe it. I'd be overflowing with joy if this hadn't happened in such painful circumstances. But I'll do my job. For you. And I promise I'll do it well, I won't disappoint neither you, nor your beloved brats. If I manage to be half as good as you, they will be more than fine.

Gotta go now, before Freed and the others tear my door down.

I love you,

Laxus


End file.
